Never Look Back
When I say that everything will be all right, what I mean is that
I’ve never asked a frozen lake to bear my weight. That the
shapes of some birds fill me with terrible joy. That although I
worry about the planet, I always take the car, so that I can be
alone for longer and escape quickly from everywhere. When I
say that I feel at home with you, I mean that all houses feel
smaller than they once did. That I still read your letters
sometimes. That the thought of laughing in public no longer
bothers me. When I say that I never look back, I mean that I
passed a woman today who was wearing my perfume, and for
a second I thought she was me. That I thank god less often
than I used to. That I look back every day. I mean that it was
always in the cracks that I loved you—not on your smooth
surfaces where I couldn’t get a foothold.
Mary Ford Neal is a writer and academic from the West of Scotland and the author of two recent poetry collections, ‘Dawning’ (Indigo Dreams, 2021) and ‘Relativism’ (Taproot Press, 2022). Her poetry has appeared in magazines and anthologies including Bad Lilies, One Hand Clapping, Long Poem Magazine, Dust, The Interpreter’s House, After…, Atrium, Honest Ulsterman and Ink, Sweat & Tears. Her work has received 2 Pushcart and 2 Best of the Net nominations